Grief, how to deal with it?

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Grief, how to deal with it?




Someone asked me – 

Dr. Shah, I’m grieving right now.

I had a sudden loss of a family member.

How can I use spirituality to alleviate my grieving?


Answer – 

Doors of spirituality are always open; we need to know the art of entering into them.

Normally –

When life is going well, we say,” I am happy.”.

When bad events happen, we say,” I am sad.”

This happens because we identify ourselves with our minds.

In reality, it is YOUR MIND, which is happy or sad, not YOU ( you are the consciousness ).

So, in good times, we get lost in happiness and call ourselves happy, and in bad times, the reverse.

But spirituality says this is wrong.

You are not your body or mind; you are much bigger and more divine than both.

You are the soul and the consciousness.

Spirituality says this is spiritual ignorance, and that is the cause of suffering.

Our soul is riding in a vehicle of body + mind, but it is NOT body or mind.

If you drive a Toyota, you don’t say, ” I am Toyota.”

This happens because we have lost our connection with our true self, and attached ourselves to the body and the mind.

( We are like a child who has left his mother’s lap and now is playing in a playground and experiencing the swings of its joys and sufferings but has forgotten the path to his mother’s lap. )

Another thing to remember –

1. Sansar is ALWAYS dual – a mixture of two – good and bad. One always follows the other; neither stays forever – like it happened in your life.

2. Sansar is Chanchal ( unstable and unpredictable ).

Buddha said, “Being Chanchal is Sansar’s nature. Don’t hate it; know it, and stay fully aware of it.”

Once you know Sansar’s nature, unexpected events in life will not bother you.

So, we have only two choices in life –

1. Keep swinging between happiness and sadness ( state of unawareness ).

2. To be aware and not suffer.

So, my advice for you right now is  – to grieve – if you must.

But this time – don’t get lost in suffering, in unawareness.

Stay In full awareness.

Meditate steadily as a witness.

Be aware that a person named “x” is grieving, and you are fully aware of this fact.

Two things will happen –

1. Your grief will disappear.

2. This grief event will become a great teacher in your spiritual life.

Life is Chanchal, and it is  perfectly fine.

Expecting it to be otherwise leads to suffering.

Accepting it as is, leads to pure peace.

But accepting need not be a negative thing.

Accept it as a beautiful thing, as it shows the infinite power of consciousness.

The real power lies with the soul – the consciousness, and it is always steady.



Feb 22,2023

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